pascare

Pastoral Care/Counseling

Before the Wedding (See under Marriage and Remarriage)
Caring for Widows by Wesley M. Teterud. The author is convinced that today's Church must care for its widows with sensitivity, as did the early church, and offers many practical suggestions on how to do this. Each chapter includes discussion questions and applications making it an excellent resource for professionals and lay persons.
    From Baker Book House in 1994, this 128-page book sold for $9.99 (trade).
A Christian Guide to Sexual Counseling by Mary Ann Mayo. This is a book to equip pastors and counselors for the task of helping couples understand and deal with sexual problems in marriage. It offers procedures for helping couples by first exploring the ambivalent messages that church and culture have conveyed about sexuality. The author, a licensed marriage and family counselor, brings body, mind, and spirit together in her assessment of the common problems and the appropriate treatments.
    Some of the topics covered in this 267 page book are: attitudes of the church toward sexuality, the responsibility of Christian leaders to offer positive teaching, normal sexual functioning, common sexual problems in marriage, the role and possible outcomes of sexual counseling, male and female problems, special concerns for singles, and premarital education.
    Published in 1987 by Zondervan, this book sells for $16.95 (hardcover).
Counseling Familys After Divorce by David R. Miller. The purpose for this book, part of the Contemporary Christian Counseling series, is to offer wholeness to the broken family. In it the author says that the church must open her door and minister to the nonnuclear family which is fast becoming the norm. This book is an attempt to provide the Christian counselor with essential information, strategies, and processes for working with these families in need.
    Some of the 12 chapter titles include: The Rise of the Nontraditional American Family, The Trauma of Divorce, Children of Divorce, The Single Parent, The Remarriage Family, Counseling and the Divorce Process, and the Future Family--What Works!
    Publshed by Word in 1994, this 297-page book sold for $18.99 (hard).

Counseling Single Adults edited by Doug Fagerstrom. As the editor stated in the Introduction, "This book offers encouragement and help for the single adult ministry leader whose phone continues ringing and whose doorway is crossed every day by people with an array of stories, needs, cries for help, and desperate circumstances. Each chapter guides leaders through a counseling issue common to single adults."
The book is divided into five parts: Overview of Counseling in the Church, Helping with Difficult Feelings and Emotions, Helping with Difficult Backgrounds and Circumstances, Helping with Difficult Struggles, and Helping Prevent Potential Problems. Some of the 25 chapter titles, each written by a different singles leader, include: The Need for Counseling in the Church, Know Your Limits, The Dysfunctional Family Background, Dealing with the Ex-Spouse, Recovery from Abortion, Sexual Struggles, Uncontrolled Finances, Premarital Counseling, Remarriage Counseling, Crisis Counseling, and Defining the Role of Spiritual Director.
From Baker Book House in 1996, this 364-page book sold for $22.99 (hardback)
Divorce Mediation by John M. Haynes. This book offers mental health professionals, lawyers, and others a method for helping couples dissolve their marriages with a minimum of frustration and animosity, and enables professionals to expand their practices into mutually beneficial separation agreements while coping emotionally with divorce. He discusses the mediator's role in issues of the division of personal and real property, support, children, and plans for the future, and then gives guidelines for moving through the mediation process, illustrating this with nine case studies. A discussion of the special problems of children is included, in addition to appendixes containing a manual for clients and sample separation agreements.
    Published in 1981 by the Springer Publishing Company, NY (trade).
Divorce Recovery Workshop Manual by Terry Hershey. Hershey developed this manual for churches to use in their divorce recovery workshops. It consists of six cassettes and six printed chapters. The topics covered are: Picking up the Pieces, Getting to Know Me, Free to be Forgiven, Letting Go of the Past, Getting My "Ex" in Focus, and Choices: Dating, Sex, and Re-Marriage.
    This manual sold for $40.95 and may be ordered from Positive Christian Singles, Crystal Cathedral, Chapman at Lewis, Garden Grove, CA 92640.
Getting Through Grief: Caregiving by Congregations by Ron Sunderland. Only 3 percent of congregations carry out grief ministry that extends beyond the first few weeks after a death. This book is an effort to resolve a problem area crated by this apparent failure in many congregations to provide effective grief education and to set it in the context of compassionate pastoral care of mourners. It shows congregations how to and when they should set up teams who go through grief education and then carry out their mission in their congregation. Special attention is given to grief work with children and teenagers. The author also stresses the importance of ongoing grief support groups within the congregation.
    The six chapters are entitled: Understanding Grief, Working through Grief, Grief: Our Constant Companion, Developing a Grief Ministry, Grief Support: A Continuing Ministry, and Grief Education.
    Published in 1993 by Abingdon Press, this 144-page book sold for $10.95 (trade).
Grief Ministry: Helping Others Mourn by Donna Reilly Williams and JoAnn Sturzl. This book, and the Facilitator's Guide, focus on helping those who mourn. It discusses the general aspects of ministry to the grieving:empathy, communication, listening, and prayer. It also looks at some specific losses such as the death of a baby and suicide.
    Some of the 15 chapter titles include: Death in our Society, the Dynamics of Grief, Person-to-Person Skills, Death and the Journey Within, Prayer and Ministry, Job-Related Grief Experiences, Divorce as a Grief Experience, Suicide, and Funerals.
    The Facilitator's Guide includes lesson plans for ten sessions of grief ministry training. Each session refers to one of the chapters in the textbook above. The Guide provides all the tools you'll need for conducting the sessions: handouts, exercises, meditations, biblical readings, textbook readings, guest speakers preparations sheet and an evaluation sheet.
    The 217-page book was published in 1990 (revised 1992) by Resource Publications (1-888-273-7782) and sold for $15.95 (softcover). The 109-page guide sold for $15.95 (softcover).
Living Together by Jeff VanGoethem. This book is, as the subtitle says, A Guide to Counseling Unmarried Adults. In it the author gives insights into the mindset of the modern cohabiting couple, reinforces the biblical view of marriage as a sacred covenant, and offers practical applications for counseling situations to help couples achieve a more God-honoring relationship.
    Some of the 12 chapter titles include: Why Couples Are Cohabiting, The Consequences of Cohabiting, What Does the Bible Say about Cohabiting, Marriage as a Covenant in the Bible, and Pastoral Counseling with Cohabiting Couples. It concludes with four appendices which includes Cohabitation Facts and a Sample Church Wedding Policy.
    From Kregel Publications (Grand Rapids, MI) in 2005, this 208-pgage book sold for $12.99 (trade cover)
Marrying Again: A Guide for Christians by Perry H. Biddle, Jr., is a little 32 page booklet which is a practical guide for those remarrying. Written by a minister, the book includes information on how to deal with the first marriage, how to arrange the wedding, who will be involved, dealing with florists and photographers, how to deal with other common problems and situations, and a sample ceremony. It's ideal for ministers to give to couples.
    Published in 1986 by Abingdon Press, it sold for $3.95 (pb).
More Than I Do by Harold Ivan Smith. This is a two-volume set of premarital handbooks, one for the pastor and the other for the engaged couple. The pastor's resource booklet is for use in premarital counseling. Some of the topics include: Self-Image, Communication, Finance, Sexuality. Besides the informational material, each topic contains a set of worksheets. Also included is information on the importance of counseling before marriage and a candid look at the engagement period.
    The engaged couple's pre-marital handbook follows the same outline as the pastor's, without the professional background material. Self-evaluation inventory quizzes and work sheets make this very personal and helpful material.
    Both handbooks were published in 1983 by Beacon Hill Press and sold for $4.95 (pastor's) and $2.95 (couple's). In addition, Smith also has written a companion booklet entitled, Devotions for the Engaged Couple. Also from Beacon Hill Press at $2.95. All are trade covers.
Pastoral Care for Single Parents by Harold Ivan Smith. In this book, for pastors and lay leaders, Smith realistically faces the built-in problems of broken homes from both the parents' and the pastor's point of view. Smith admits to the difficulties churches face in undertaking a supportive ministry for singles but challenges them to make it a priority.
    Some of the chapter titles include: Risks, The Pastor and the Single Family, Preventing the Problem, Guidelines for Pastoral Care, Classification of Second Marriages, Motivations for Second Marriages, Reaching Single Parents for Christ.
    From Beacon Hill Press in 1982, this 158 page book sold for $3.95 (pb).
Pre-Marriage Awareness Inventory by Peter L. Velander. This inventory will help pastors efficiently identify the areas in a couple's relationship which are in greatest need of discussion. The topic areas covered include: communication, marriage expectations, feelings and emotions, relating styles, finances, sex, religion, in-laws, and interests. Because the couple provides the information, they have sense of ownership in the process and reach insights about their relationship based upon their own evaluations rather than the counselor's.
    The publishers have also produced a 46-page pre-marital primer entitled, A Good Beginning. This is a good book for the couple to read in conjunction with a discussion of their inventory responses.
    Then there is a helpful Administrator's Portfolio to assist the counselor in the effective use of both the Inventory and the Beginning books in a comprehensive marriage preparation program.
   There is a review kit that contains a copy of each component; the cost for the review kit is $27.95. This includes the Administrator's Portfolio, A Good Beginning, and one each of the three different counseling packs for first-time, re-marriage, and cohabitation. All of these are published by Logos Productions, 6160 Carmen Ave. E., Inver Grove Heights, MN 55075.
Telephones: (800) 328-0200, or (651) 451-9945.
A Premarital Guide for Couples by David A. Thompson. This workbook contains a unique series of six questionnaires to be completed privately and independently by prospective brides and grooms. The six sections are entitled, Where We Began, What We Share Together, What We Value, What We Can Afford, What We See in the Future, and What We Want in Our Wedding. After completion of each section, the couple may meet with a counselor or clergyperson to discuss areas of differences and incompatibility.
    Published by Bethany House in 1979, this 79-page book sold for $3.95 (trade).
Preparing for Christian Marriage by Joan and Richard Hunt (couple's book) and Antoinette and Leon Smith (pastor's manual). This set of premarital manuals is a resource to help pastors open meaningful lines of communications between potential marriage partners. Using this resource the pastor and couple can investigate the major aspects of marriage.
    The couple's manual contains eleven chapters and covers such areas as expectations, communication, sex, money, work, children, mutual change and even household chores. Each chapter has an "Explore" section which invites the couple to further discussion on the subject matter. It also contains a multi-page premarital questionnaire along with a helpful chart to help the couple think through certain details of the wedding and who they want to be involved in the ceremony.
    Designed for use with the couples book, the pastor's manual suggests ways the pastor can help couples prepare for Christian marriage, both in groups and in premarital counseling session. The fifteen chapters are divided into three sections: The Context of Marriage Preparation, Purpose and Content, and The Practice of Premarital Counseling. Some of the chapter titles are: Toward a Theology of Marriage, Expectations and Adjustments, Strengths and Weaknesses, The Pastoral Relationship, Educative Counseling, Problem-Centered Counseling, The First Interview, The Private Interviews.
    Both were published by Abingdon Press in 1982. The 94-page couple's manual sold for $7.95 and the 112-page pastor's manual for $11.95. Both are trade covers.
Preparing for Marriage by Donald J. Luther (editor). This workbook is a guide for those preparing to get married and an excellent resource for use in pre-marital counseling sessions. It provides helpful guidance, useful inventories, places to jot down responses, and discussion starters that will help a couple learn more about themselves, their relationships, and their hopes for the future.
    This 72-page workbook contains eight sections: Getting to Know You, Our Faith, Sexual Intimacy, Conflict Resolution, Families, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, Money Matters, and The Future. Some of the topics discussed in these sections include: sex, birth control, fighting fair, religious beliefs and attitudes, budgets, extended families, and future plans.
    Published in 1992 by Augsburg Fortress, this book sold for $4.95 (trade).
Preparing to Marry Again by Dick Dunn. This is a workbook to assist the pastor in helping prepare couples both before and after the marriage. The workbook is divided into three sections: When Ready to Marry Again, Issues Related to All Subsequent Marriages, and Subsequent Marriages with Children. Each of the 20 chapters in the book has a workbook page with discussion questions which allows the man and woman to respond in writing to the thoughts of the chapter.
    Single copies may be ordered for $15 plus $2.50 for postage/handling from Singles Ministry Resources, Box 1472, Roswell, GA 30077. Telephone: (404) 587-1691.
Rebuilding by Bruce Fisher. The author has produced this material which has been effective in helping people adjust to divorce. In this material Fisher advocates that the adjustment to divorce is a process and that there are specific steps along the way. He calls the steps "Rebuilding Blocks." There are 19 of these blocks and each chapter in the book deals with a separate block such as Denial, Grief, Anger, Friendships, Leftovers, Love, Sexuality, Freedom, etc.
    The book also talks about Fisher Divorce Adjustment Scale, a 100-item paper-and-pencil personality scale designed to measure how people have adjusted to the ending of their love relationships.
    The third edition of 304 pages was published in 2000 by Impact Publishers (San Luis Obispo, CA) for $14.95 (trade).
Reconcilable Differences by Jim Talley. This book is about reconciliation, first to the friendship level, to the point where one can face their ex and converse in a normal, human way; and secondly, to the point where it takes you all the way to even consider a marital reconciliation.
    The book shows why it is worth the effort for troubled couples to try again and more importantly, how it can be done. It describes individual situations where love was rekindled and gives specific guidelines for overcoming the differences in marriage that cause alienation and lead to separation. It gives invaluable suggestions for any alienated couple for rebuilding their relationship and developing a foundation based on mutual love, respect, and trust.
    Published in 1985 by Thomas Nelson Publishers, this 171 page book sold for $10.95 (hard).
Recovering From Divorce by David A. Thompson. This material, presented in workbook form, is a counseling guide for those experiencing the trauma of divorce. The titles of the booklet's five sections are: Who Are You?, Where Have You Been?, What Are You Thinking and Feeling?, What Are You Doing?, and Where Are You Going? There is also a section at the end for the group leader which gives some helpful instructions and some details about problems to expect when counseling divorced people.
    Published in 1982 by Bethany House, this 93-page book sold for $4.95 (trade).
REMARRIAGE: Challenge and Opportunity by David J. Rolfe. Considering the growing frequency of remarriage, it is important for pastors to have at their disposal a pre-marriage counseling tool designed specifically for the remarriage couple. Preparing for remarriage includes understanding some concepts, developing some competencies, and meeting some challenges which are specific to remarriage.
    This book will help the couselor as well as the couple by highlighting 12 transition/adjustment issues which are critical in remarriage and which can be considered under the framework of concepts, competencies, and challenges. It will help couples explore positive opportunities for a healthy marriage and family life. The book can be used in individual couple counseling or as a self-study that the couple might use by themselves.
    Published in 1982 by Shepard's Staff (see above under Pre-Marriage Awareness Inventory). The couple's workbook of 32 pages sold for $5.95 and the pastor's resource of 62 pages for $11.50. Both are trade covers.
RE-SINGLED: Building a Strategy for Surviving Separation by Death or Divorce by Peter L. Velander and Larry D. Lindstrom. Ministry to the re-singled is gaining in importance as increasing numbers of people experience the ending of relationships through the death of a spouse, separation, or divorce. This book allows those who face the ending of a relationship to consider their present situation and to lay the groundwork for moving ahead toward the future.
    Some of the 15 areas covered in this workbook-style publication are: dealing honestly with pain and hurt, adjusting daily routines according to the energy available, increasing awareness of God's presence in life, and using prescription drugs and other chemicals wisely. This book is appropriate to use in individual counseling or as a foundation resource for a peer support group for re-singled persons.
    Published by Shephard's Staff (see above), the 121-page student workbook sold for $5.95 and the 121-page leader's guide for $12.95.
Survival Kit for Griefwork by Britton Wood. This 21-page workbook was written in the form of a seminar designed to enhance growth in those individuals who have experienced the death of a loved person, any loved person, not just a mate. It helps people to work through grief, anger, depression, and guilt. It explains the grief process and offers some positive steps to take to overcome the pain. It also has a section that deals with ways to creatively live holiday times. The workbook was designed to be used in churches, hospice groups, retirement homes, and widowed persons organizations .
    Published by the Annuity Board of the Southern Baptist Convention in 1986, it sold for $5 (trade). Order from Britton Wood and Associates, 4055 Glenavon Ct., Fort Worth, TX 76109. (817) 924-8509.
Three to Get Ready by Howard A. Eyrich. This book is an indepth program of premarital counseling techniques to help couples experience the great joys that God intends for marriage.
    The book's 15 chapters are divided into three parts. Part One deals with preparing the pastor to do re-marital counseling and provides the Christian concept of an "equal yoke." Part Two provides seven chapters that are designed to be used as the seven sessions of the counseling program. Some of the items discussed here include: the eligibility of the couple, family traits, sex and birth control, Christian marriage, communication and role concepts, money and children, family worship, and the wedding ceremony. Part Three includes practical helps for the counselor along with various forms and questionaires that the couple can fill out, and a suggested Bible study of husband/wife roles.
    From Baker Book House, this revised edition of 228 pages was published in 1991 and sold for $12.95 (trade).
When SomeOne You Know is Hurting by M. Gregory Richards. (see under Miscellaneous under Categories of Books Dealing with Single Adult Issues)
What to Do When the Family Hurts by J. Bruce Grisi. The author, a pastor and family counselor, shares some insights gained in years of marriage and family counseling and in working with hurting people in his church.
    Some of the 15 chapters relate directly with singles such as Selecting Your Mate, About Divorce, and the Single-Parent Home. Some of the other chapter titles are: Relational Poverty, Knowing Your Mate, Child Abuse, Running Away, Homosexuality, and the Wicked Stepparent.
    This book was a 1982 release from Tyndale House and sold for $5.95 (pb).